he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
vagina is talking i cant
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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