why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
