problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
