So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
