we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just forgot I was standing up.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
