i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
