This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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