Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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