The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
