It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
