Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
