we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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