just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
