The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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