I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
