Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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