I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
