You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
