I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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