I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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