btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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