GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
