OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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