Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
