I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
