conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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