i permit you to call me
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
