Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
