i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
