just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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