I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
