and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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