i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
