Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
