I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
