As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
