I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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