you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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