Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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