there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
