take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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