K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
