I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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