I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
