I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
