i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
