I think my fart just growled at me.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
