I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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