If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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