Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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