he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
