If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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