i think my tv is drunk
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
