easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
