Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
