Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
