Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We named our party play list daddy issues
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
