The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
