I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize