He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
