i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
