i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
