the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
