I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
