I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
