I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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