I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Drunk walkin through police station. America
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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