she smelled like a LAN party
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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