I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
