You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
