Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
