im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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