she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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